A Communication Tip✨
Have you ever felt alone while being with people you know and love?
Or have you ever felt together, connected, even while being somewhere by yourself?
I know I did :)
Besides the fact that feelings are a result of our personal perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, and assumptions, I find that feeling Together or Alone is also a result of the quality of our Presence. Meaning, the level of mental and emotional availability we, and the people we are with, have when we meet.
I am sure you can recall some experiences in which you felt unable to listen to what someone told you, even when it was something of interest to you, because you were too caught up in your own thoughts.
Or in which you felt frustrated and not paid attention to, while talking with someone who looked or felt not listening, even if he was doing nothing and was physically close to you. Just as you can also recall experiences of being alone - at home, or in the car, or on a journey ;) - and not feeling alone nor lonely. Whether because you just finished a wholehearted conversation, or just remembered one, or whether you generally felt Loving and Loved. (And there are, of course, many other possible reasons and situations to both feeling Alone and Together).
Other things, I believe, impacting these feelings, are the levels of authenticity and connection to self, one can express and/or feel, in a situation.
Being connected to yourself is being aware of
how you feel right now physically and emotionally,
where is your attention and where to your efforts are directed,
what are your thoughts and whether they are focused on what you do and where you are right now, or they have wandered somewhere else, etc.
Being authentic is Being and Doing from your own honest truth, expressing yourself in a manner that is respectful to yourself and the people you are with, in accordance with your set of values and beliefs, while respecting your surroundings as well.
Can you see these two are intertwined? The ability to be authentic is tied to being connected to yourself. I find it kind of hard for me to be authentic while I am not connected nor aware of how I feel.
And so, the more we are connected to ourselves, the more we are connected to our truth and able to express it authentically. And the more we are authentic and expressing ourselves truthfully and respectfully, we gain more and more confidence, and it makes it easier for us to stay connected to ourselves - and others! - as well as reconnect when we pay attention that we disconnected.
Easier said than done, sometimes, I know...!
A significant tool, I've learned from the Imago Relationship Therapy, that helps me with being present, connected, and authentic, is to ask my conversation partner, whether he's available to listen to me before I start saying something. Especially when it's important to me to be heard, acknowledged, understood 🙏
So maybe we can use this tool and ask ourselves from time to time if we are available to share our attention and inner resources with whom we are with. And if we're not, we can find a respectful way to express that, or find our way to be available.
Because as you know, it's not the amount, it's the quality that counts ;)
AND it betters communications and relationships as well as saves a lot of disappointment energy!
Tell me about your Alone and Together feelings 🙏 What makes you feel one or the other? Which one do you enjoy more? Which is easier for you to experience and how?
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